College and the Future

I hope you know that I am terrified, unequivocally terrified, of my future as it stands from the point of my writing of this onwards. Specifically in college and what I see myself doing with the entirety of my life. Never before has my future been so uncertain, or as important as it stands right now in monumental decisions of minuscule scale. I’m not certain of where I want to go, or what I want to do. At least in the specific sense of accomplishment that you need to pick where you want to go or want to do. I just know that I want to make things, to be able to be a voice louder than the crowd and to be able to affect people through things I want to make. I want to be an artist in the most basic sense but in the grandest sense, I want to be a creator. An individual in a crowd of so many of those who are the same.
For as long as I can remember I’ve always dreamed of becoming successful at an early age. When I was seven I imagined myself publishing a book when I was 14. When I was 14, I imagined myself creating a popular website when I was 15, and then 16, and now at 17 I even still see myself in the process of this but with new desires cropping up, all heading towards a day that has never changed. My 18th birthday. These past three years of uncertainty have taken too much time from things that should have mattered. Namely my childhood. Where other kids focused on school, I focused on work, work that was never quite as fruitful as I had hoped it could be. Only now when I am ready to live as a kid am I seeing the fruits of my efforts, the position in which it puts me and where I can go with it. Now I stand to become an adult at such an early age, where I just feel kind of empty in the places where I felt so strongly before.
In the past year, I’ve changed my dream job from a web designer to a journalist. A video producer/writer for a news-centric organization such as Vox Media (The Verge specifically) has always been something I’ve felt called out to me, but where my desires lay now. Producing content seems like the only thing I can imagine myself happy doing, and that’s what it’s always been. The terminology behind it has changed, but it has always remained synonymous with making, doing, and creating. That’s why I’ve made so many things, so many sites and have had so many ideas. Many of which have never seen the light of day or past the dimmed covers of my many closed notebooks. Thousands of documents and thoughts scribbled down for a later that will never come.

I try to make something as often as I can, but now where I feel that I could accomplish the most in regards to creating, I’m actually able to do the least. Applying for colleges, keeping up with my final year of High School, all of these things keep me from making the things I love and publishing content on the sites I have. I feel a twinge of guilt every time I visit Spectacular Telecast, to see the dates since the last real thing I published. Life get’s in the way sometimes, and I’ve been trying my hardest to dodge around it. Koyizo will one day leave its alpha, Spectacular Telecast will get it’s long postponed rebranding and redesign, and all the other videos I’ve made and channel’s I’ve influenced will publish. I can only say, don’t expect it all in force until after I graduate. In the meantime, check back when you can. Check all of my websites, Koyizo will always have the latest business information that can be found about me, and my personal site will always stay up to date on my personal life, though it may be updated more infrequently than other websites and properties I may be a part of.

I’ve been trying for the past three months to keep as up to date on the latest news in technology. From the most recent Nexus announcement to the announcement for Fallout Four, all those many months ago. I’ve started posts on Spectacular Telecast for a good portion of them but none of them have hit the top of the pool or have even been completed, I’ve started a partnership with a brand partner and I’ve yet to deliver on the promise of articles for their site as I struggle to even keep my personal workflow from sinking under my private workflow. I live a busy life, and only through perpetual work do I even come close to keeping it together. I untether myself from the many strings I’m twisted in only come into many more. That’s why you may not see much from me this year, I am sorry. I will try my best and when something does come out, don’t expect some light fluff like could be found last year but rather longer posts such as this one with other media attached, currently I’m working on a few different video projects that may be of interest to my audience! Stay tuned for them and follow me on Twitter to stay updated on all the things I do. My expressed interest in making and producing video will all come into play in due time. In the meantime follow your normal routine. I’m not gone, just in hibernation as I prepare for the inevitable growing up nightmare that is college and adulthood. Who knows, maybe when I’m there I’ll be able to make even more content and get to fulfill my dream. Just know that as it stands now I work tirelessly to make the best stuff I can for both myself and you. It’s a tough job, but somebody has got to love it.